Lately I've been trying to eat healthier and get back to my ideal weight after a bout of junk food binges sent my weight up to the magic number - that one number that, if seen on the scale while you're on it, makes you want to pack up and go to the gym immediately. Calorie-count.com has been an invaluable resource in helping me do this, and I've had some success so far. Today on their front page was an article about Spanx for men:
http://caloriecount.about.com/real-men-wear-spanx-b433955
The article just explains that shaping undergarments are now becoming popular for men. The comments below were what I found most inspiring, however. There were back-and-forths about whether Spanx just perpetuate a pervasive cultural ideal or if it's perfectly acceptable to use them to achieve those ideals painlessly. One user poses the question: "Aren't we supposed to be trying to learn to be happy with our bodies?" Another says, "I choose to be "happy with my body" and my body is happy in Spanx sometimes!"
Let me just preface by establishing that each person is defined by their values. I don't mean Values with a capital V as we tend to use it in conjunction with Morals and Ethics, but values at a fundamental level. This encompasses ideals, aesthetic preferences, economic choices, social behavior, everything. If you choose one thing over another, mundane or profound, that indicates that you value the thing you chose more than the thing you did not choose. This applies to everything. When you put people's choices in this perspective and they argue with you, that's where people are lying to themselves about who they are.
First, a little housekeeping. Let's address this headline:
"Real Men Wear Spanx."
Ugh. Okay, here we go.
People, quit using catchy little phrases without thinking about whether they really apply to the specific situation or not. I don't think that the "real men" concept is an entirely useless one. In my opinion, real men don't define themselves by which or how much alcohol they drink, they utterly relish the female body (or male - appreciation is the key), and they don't get into pissing contests with other men. As far as wearing Spanx are concerned:
REAL MEN GO TO THE GODDAMNED GYM.
Now onto the body of the article.
I tend to agree with the opinion that being happy with one's body and finding ways to shape it differently are necessarily dichotomous. "I like my body in Spanx" is a terribly disingenuous sentiment, since the fundamental concept behind Spanx is temporarily and only superficially altering one's body shape; at that point one is no longer representing one's own body but rather an ideal one values.
"It's the media's fault."
Are culturally derived ideals just as viable as innate ones? Is there such thing as a truly innate ideal? (I think yes, but that's another topic entirely.) Can we really ignore the reality of cultural ideals shaping the identities of those under its influence? I think that to dismiss cultural influences as a large part of each person's identity is also gravely disingenuous; one would have a terribly difficult time separating cultural ideals from innate ones.
Regardless of where that value comes from, I do believe that you are largely defined by your ideals, even if you don't live up to them all the time. If you want to be thinner or a different shape, that want is part of what defines you. If you achieve that ideal somehow, that is just a more viable part of your identity. So the difference between losing weight + doing the work necessary to tone your body in order to fit that ideal and just temporarily altering your shape cosmetically is simply time and effort.
It does seem to make sense that we would more readily accept honest efforts to achieve those ideals in a more permanent way and reject the quick, easy, temporary, but that comes down to a value judgment. Are any of us justified in telling others what they should value?
Spanx is simply the newest easy-way-out gadget; it's the new kid on the playground, and pretty soon it will be picking on the next generation of gadgets just like his elders did to him. The pushup bra, for example, is just as much of a lie-garment as Spanx. It's just more palatable now because it's been around for ages. If you want perkier breasts, do chest exercises. If you're past the age of really doing anything about that, perhaps you should consider aging more honestly and gracefully.
Makeup is a bit of a different case, because while it does have the same function and effect, there is no reasonable alternative to permanently achieving the face you want. I look at makeup as a facial counterpart to choosing clothes that fit your body in a flattering way - different cuts fit different people, and that fit is part of who they really are. I look pretty nice in pencil skirts because of my long waist, not because the pencil skirt alters my body somehow. Clothes and makeup accentuate features you already have whereas Spanx and push-up bras attempt to change them into something else on a far more fundamental level.
People who say that we have to "learn to love our bodies" are missing the point entirely. This sentiment seems to suggest that we can't change our bodies at all, and if we try to we're fakes. Again, if your ideal is another few inches off your waistline or more defined arms, that ideal is part of who you are. It's one of the important values that define you.
Some people are downright dishonest with themselves about this. One user says, "I'm a big woman too! I love my body, i just don't want to look like a bag of jello doing it!"
If you don't want to look like a bag of jello and your body looks like a bag of jello, you do not love the way your body looks. If you want to have sleek curves, diet and exercise like everyone else has to, or put on Spanx and be happy with the way your clothes fit. Either way you're changing your fundamental shape to fit an ideal you do not currently fit. DO NOT pretend that a change is unnecessary for you to fit your ideal.
It's okay to be dissatisfied with your body as long as you are willing to do something to change it. "Learn to love what you have" doesn't really apply to aspects of a person's life that he could readily change if he were so inclined. "Acquire what you truly value" is probably more appropriate.
Yes, learning to love what you have or putting on Spanx to pretend you don't have it is easier than going to the gym and resisting delicious foods. But if someone values time and effort spent doing other things besides diet and exercise, who are you to tell them their value judgment is invalid? I'm just tired of people refusing to admit that changing yourself in any way necessarily means you did not previously fit an ideal. People need to stop using stupid catchy phrases in order to perpetuate this lie that you can't change who you are as a convenient way to get out of doing the work required to change.
